Darkness and the Moon

I have always felt more at home in the dark. I guess it’s because I can worry less about my appearance and the effect it has on people around me, when I can have at least a slim hope of being less visible. Even though deep in the shades of my mind I am fully aware that darkness brings out the edges even more than the light does.

It is especially true at those nights, where full moon is bright ablaze in the night sky. Unlike the sun, moon calms me down. Makes me feel welcome. Dissolves my inner fears and smooths my outer roughness. Moon is my friend, whereas sun is an inconvenient companion. If it where up to me, I would spend all of my existence in the moonlight.

But there is also a certain charm to be the fact of being inconvenienced by the sunlight. It makes one question his inner self. What secrets does he hide beneath the grotesque surface of his outer self? It might be nothing. Just a simplicity of an uneven shapes of ones dreams.

But it can also be a whole load of something. Something sinister and cunning. Something as Kafkaesque as a wounded animal in search for its last stand-off. Or a wounded sellsword in search for a last payout, that would set him up for a time being and provide the oh so desired window of opportunity aimed at the physical recovery. For he knows that his soul is shattered and there ain’t no spell or potion out there in the whole wide world that could ever put those pieces back together again.

Darkness for me is the same as the shell is for a tortoise. It’s a wall. Its a shield. Its a sanctuary.

It’s a place where I can feel whole again. Even if just for a short timeframe. It’s still better than nothing at all. Its still more of a healing than a curse. And it’s for damn sure way better therapy than imagining the world ablaze ever will be.

Darkness and the moon are the sombre companions of every nighthound. Even if we don’t howl at it out loud, we still damn sure houl at it within. It’s this inner howling that sets us free. Gives us meaning and purpose. Makes as feel alive again.

It’s like a drug. You can never escape its grip. Best you can achieve is a loosened leash. But you are still shackled by it nonetheless. And these shackles are so hard to break free from. Not physically, mentally it is. One can go on for ever persuading oneself that he has freed himself from the shackles of the night. Bust as soon as the full moon is high up in the sky, the inner beast inside of you is full awake and adamant to have his spot in the moonlight howling bonanza.

So be aware and be prepared. That’s how the saying goes anyways. And it is easier said than done. No matter the effort, moon will do its utmost best to break even the strongest member of the pack. It is its challenge to you. And its gift to the night.