Darkness and the Solitude

Darkness grips me every time it arrives. It grips me from the inside more than it engulfs me from the outside. I learned to deal with darkness very long time ago. Back when it was trying to find itself a permanent place within my bodily frame. I am still not quite sure if I have gotten rid of it for good. That’s why I always fear the deep grip of the moonless night.

Darkness is my solitude as much as it is my battleground. Its solitude provides me with an arena in which I can unleash my inner demons while keeping them locked within the battleground of my mind. I have no fear of the abyss, for I have locked my eyes with it and yet somehow managed to keep hold of the edge of the precipice. Its cold smile will forever stay with me as a reminder of the dangers hidden within the reckless handling of ones inner demons.

Darkness also grants me solitude of thought. Whether it’s an empty apartment that serves as a habitat for a wretched soulless body of an old and tired nighthound or a dimly lit city street that provides a footing for a nighthounds watch, both of them are equally suitable stages for the dark yet gripping onslaught of inner demonic battle.

Solitude of thought has always been my escape. Ever since I learned that majority of the humankind views me as an anomaly, a glitch in the system, inelegant sequence of code holding the time-space continuum of this place we call “the world” more or less together as a contextual background for further advancement of variety of means and methods of self-destruction, procrastination and Bacchanalia.

And what a longed for escape it has been. Welcome darkness my old friend. I can be whatever I want to be. Feel whatever there is left to feel. And if I’m lucky – delve into the deepest, darkest corners of my mind without the fear of being constantly interrupted by onslaught of surrounding others or being betrayed by the grim grin indicating the full heat of the inner demonic battle.

Darkness is my “safe haven” amidst the muddy waves of mundane existence. It gives me shelter I need to indulge my inner battleground with the fierce standoff between my inner darkness and the abyss that desires to embrace me as a whole. A battle each and every one of us has, but not many are comfortable to admit. No worries, more room for me.

That’s why come darkness, I feel the surge of energy that drives my senses mad and leaves my heart pounding. I feel relief when I win and terror whenever I come to the point where I feel that there is no more strength left in me to hold on to the edge of precipice and it might well be that the time has come for the abyss to embrace my soulless form.

Somehow it has as of yet never come to that. But who nows what the future battles darkness has in sight. It very well may be, that what is written here as a warning, may one day soon become the heading on my tombstone …