Dawn of mockery

Beard was in a good mood. At least it seemed so to those watching him from afar. And why wouldn’t he be. Nothing had happened yet. But he knew far too well that it was bound to change eventually. After all, nothing ever stayed the same by the end of the night.

Beard was aware of the fact that over the years his fuse had shortened. What he could not really put his finger on was the moment the downfall had begun. He had faced his fair share of abuse over the years. One might even think that he had had more than enough, but that was still open for discussion. After all the abuse was one of those things that nightlife never run out of.

Humans rarely stop being condescending asses towards one another. Whatever the setting, there will always be at least one prick swinging. It’s like having an itch you can’t really scratch, but you still go out of your way to try. And even if you do not succeed, you still have a go at giving it your best shot.

On the door abuse was part of the game. Beard had learned it the hard way. By giving in to temptation to say something back. Back when he was young and stupid he had made a comment towards a bartenders choice of company for the night. It wasn’t personal. It was spite. Directed at someone not willing to follow the rules. His first chief of security had chewed his ass off for that. And he had a right, in truth an obligation, to do so. It wasn’t just about insulting a customer. It was about showing weakness. Revealing a chip in ones armour was never a good strategy.

Over the years Beard had learned to live with the abuse. But he knew that however much he tried verbal abuse was always harder to take than the physical one. Punches and kicks where just that – a method of inflicting pain. No more, no less.

Verbal abuse was more pervasive. It got to you in ways your throbbing flesh or hurting bones could not. It stuck deep in your subconscious. It polluted your mind. It invaded your dreams. It made you feel as if you were anything else but human. It made you contemplate things that no decent human being ever should. It made you fantasise about things that would otherwise be considered inhuman.

Deep down in his mind Beard knew not to take the insults and threats seriously. Unless those making them had that glint in their eyes indicating that there is not just a will to hurt others but an intent to do so as well. Majority of insults barraged at him during the night where out of helplessness, anger or despair. A sign of weakness, masked by profanity and spite.

But every now and then a true face of violence was bound to reveal itself. Beard knew and accepted that. After all it was not like he himself had a pass by pretending that he was a complete stranger to its icy glare. He himself had stared into abyss countless times. And every now and then abyss would smile back at him.

First time it had shown itself was when a classmate in junior high had driven him too close to the edge of his dark abyss. It ended up with a classmate thrown into the cupboard at the end of the classroom and parents having to pay for the damages. The cupboard that was, not the classmate. Classmate got lucky. A shock more than anything else.

Second classmate was not as fortunate. His face got to experience the first-hand feeling of icy asphalt scraping its fine chiseled shape. Beard still remembered the bloody slush and icy wind cooling off his face after he had came very close to turning his classmates face into crude version of boeuf a la tartar.

Beard was accustomed to meeting that icy glint of rage in the eyes staring into his own. It made him feel more aware of his surroundings. Ready to lift the veil of innocence and unleash the flames of violent rage burning deep inside him. It made him him feel real. Feel connection with the world around him in ways others would not appreciate. Feel unashamed of what he really was. A spawn of bad luck and human denigration. A remade in soul not in flesh.

Beard knew that there will come a day when his luck will run out and he will truly hurt someone. There was no reason for him to think otherwise. He had known that from an early age. Hell! He had hoped it would happen sooner rather than later. Hoped that it will happen in a way that will leave this damned “society” with no other option than to put him down like an animal he was.

But alas it had not yet happened. But boy did he hope it would